Holly in mid-December 2016, when she had an 8 x 5 x 4cm tumour in her left breast, and metastatic cancer cells in her left axillary lymph nodes. I see beneath her swelling and beyond her eyes. I see a strangely familiar woman that I am slightly afraid of (and with good cause). I see a little girl who I want to hug. I see lymphatic rage; fierce hormonal danger; a living threat concealed in curves. I see a muse, a specimen, and a pressing need for a large format camera and new backdrop. I see a good friend who wants ice cream and forests and deep green swimming. I see her life ending and evolving at the same time. I see a girl I used to know, and love.